I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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