Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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