Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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