I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize