She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize