I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
