you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
