You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
