If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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