Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
