Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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