you would pick up someone in the library
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
