i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
