so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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