i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
