he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
