Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
one two three fourrrrnication!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
