we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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