Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
