Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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