Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
