He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I need moral support for this bender
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
