i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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