it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
