my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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