Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
