I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
