Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You left your phone here
Wait...
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