apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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