I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
