k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
