I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
