The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
