i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
