I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
