I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
