don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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