The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
