so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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