Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
