Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
