I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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