would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
