I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
