Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
