sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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