At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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