The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
