shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?