He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.