Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
