he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.