We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We need to rekindle our bromance
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
