Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
