she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
