i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
