I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
