well you can't waste a boner
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
