he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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