My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
