What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
