Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
