I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
how drunk are you?
Several
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
