i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
