why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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