4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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