Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
