Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
