last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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