u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
