Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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