Define "chronic" masturbator.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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