Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
50% drunk capacity currently
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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